of not so charming princes and feminist princesses
by an old fashioned girl
Summary: Bianca attempts to tell a feminist fairytale to her Hannah-Montana hater niece. Fixed the format so now it's more readable.


A/N: I finally could fix the horrible format so I hope it is more readable now. Someone mentioned that I should have more dialogue but I'm still working on my writing skills and dialogue is one of my weakness so I'm sorry but I did not add any dialogue but once I get better at this I will definitely try :) Thanks to the infamous dollface who helped me to fix it!

It was Friday night and she should be in a swanky club somewhere (or at the very least on a date with a hot guy) dancing her worries away (not that she had any really) and sipping on margaritas (preferably bought by someone else). But no, instead of doing that, she was listening to a lecture on why it was wrong to suppose that all little girls like the color pink given to her by a seven year old little freak. Ok, maybe it was not wise to refer to her only niece by that term given that her dear sister would probably kick her ass if said sentiment ever reached her ears and well said sister's husband probably wouldn't let that pass either.

So, she plastered a big fake smile on her face and asked Maya (as in Angelou the poet, hey! she had Kat for a mother after all) if she would like them to paint each other's nails. Wrong thing to say. The look of total disgust Maya gave her had her recoil a little to her side of the sofa. Who could have thought a skinny seven year old could give such intense glares?

So Bianca forgot about all the fun girly things she was planning for the evening (because if she was going to miss the partying the very least she could do was having her charge paint her nails and giver her a little foot massage but that dream was promptly squashed by said charge) and turned on the TV to Hannah Montana reruns. Back in the day all 7 year olds were crazy about her and even to this day her popularity hadn't diminished a little. As much as it pains her to admit it, even she, at the age of 15, used to be a closeted fan of the wig-wearing big-toothed star.

But clearly Maya was not your typically 7 year old. 10 minutes into the show, she started spouting nonsense about "how even someone with an IQ as low as Jackson could see that Hannah Montana and Miley Jackson were the same person. And what kind of a name was Miley anyway? it sounded stupid and that dad of hers sounded stupid too and that kid Oliver had a stupid haircut and..." Bianca tuned her out.

She had plenty of experience in tuning out people, she had being doing that with her dad and sister since adolescence and to Chastity when she went on and on talking about herself all the time and why the hell is Maya now babbling about how toxic Disney is to the image of women in the days of today and really where the hell does she learn these things? Surely Kat could not think that giving lectures on feminism and Disney to her seven year old girl was what a good mother should do right? RIGHT? because if that was her idea of good parenting then maybe she should call Child Services right away (or at the very least a psychiatrist) and save the poor little girl from a traumatizing childhood, adolescence and probably adulthood.

But seriously, perhaps she should have a talk with Maya's other parental unit and recommend him to hide his daughter away when Kat so much as uttered the words feminism and rights. But he would probably just smirk at her anyway and ignore her completely. And Maya was still talking and Bianca had enough. I mean really she had been listening to these tirades since infancy and she still did not care that all Disney princesses were sad examples of the views of a patriarchal society of women-yeah she had been listening how could she not since Kat kept blocking the tv and saying the same thing over and over again whenever Snow White was on.

So Bianca took a very deep breath and announced that it was time for bed, expecting another lecture from "mini-Kat". Surprisingly the sassy little girl did not argue with her (ok kind of freaky) and obediently trotted upstairs with Bianca at her heels. She was not going to risk her changing her mind and deciding she wanted to watch History Channel or something weird like that.

After both brushed her teeth and changed into their pajamas (Bianca's were a cute little satin number a far cry from her ice-cream themed flannel ones from days past but thats beside the point) they awkwardly stood in the hallway (or at least Bianca did which was ridiculous because she was a 32 year old successful woman and damn it all she is not babysitting EVER AGAIN) waiting for the other to give some sort of signal as to what should be done next. Bianca was unsure if Maya was the kind of little girl that one sang lullabies to and tucked in to bed. It was after all the first time that she had ever stayed overnight alone with her so she hovered uncertainly while Maya slipped under her purple (surprise surprise) comforter and looked at her expectantly.

She sat down on the foot of the bed still unsure on what she should do. Maybe Kat recited poetry or read from The Feminine Mystique to Maya before bed and she was waiting for her to do the same, and if she was she was going to be sorely disappointed the only poetry she knew at the top of her head was from Dr Seuss.

Ok, Maya was still looking at her with those big hazel eyes and well dressed in her pj's and with that mop of curly wild hair she did look like a normal seven year old. And she can handle normal seven year olds well enough, so she boldly crawled under the covers and asked Maya if she would like her to tell her a story. Maybe a fairytale since those were her favorites and...she was almost turned to stone by a particularly potent glare from her charge. With a snotty tone Maya informed her that she did not like fairy tales because they were always full of pathetic princesses who were only waiting to be rescued by an equally pathetic chauvinist prince.

Bianca was ready to scream bloody murder and give up and call Kat and demand her release from this torture when she had an idea, a bloody awesome idea that would ensure Maya would shut up and listen to her for once.

Bianca informed her she knew a great fairytale that did not have any weak simpering princesses and chauvinistic princes. In fact this fairytale was probably a very feminist one and wouldn't she like to hear it? Maya did not look very convinced (a seven year old shouldn't even know what the word feminist means!) but kept her mouth shut and waited for her to continue.

Bianca didn't know if it was wise to omit the fact that technically this fairytale was inspired by true events -especially if she was going to tell it to a very sharp little girl- but after one quick look to the sulking Maya she quickly squashed any qualms and plunged into the story. So this is how it went:

_Once upon a time there was a princess who moved to one rustic kingdom to another more sophisticated one. She was not very happy in her new home and thought all her subjects were shallow and not very intelligent. She was not your typical princess either. She was neither beautiful nor ugly; in fact she was very normal looking. She did not break into song and bewitched animals with her voice. As a matter of fact, animals tended to run away from her whenever she even tried to sing a little. _

_She did not have any stepmother or stepsister. Her father, the King, was a very successful single parent. She had a sister but she is not important right now. So this princess was average looking, didn't sing and had a single dad. She also was studying like crazy so she could be out of the kingdom and have her own personal adventures. She scoffed at the thought of meeting Prince Charming whom she thought did not even exist and even if he did, she wouldn't want him anyway, probably._

_Her subjects were very scared of her because who have heard of a princess who spoke her mind at all times and who doesn't like dances. Everyone knows that a princess worth her salt knows how to waltz and how to giggle prettily. Well this princess did not know how to do either. So everyone was sure she was going to end up alone and loveless. _

_But fate works in mysterious ways and yes at this point Maya loudly interrupted to say that was a cliched phrase and wasn't this a unique feminist fairytale? so Bianca gave her niece her most intimidating stare (it even worked with Maya's dad after all) and after she got a very reluctant promise of no interruptions til the end, Bianca continued with her grand tale._

_So, well fate had it that one day a prince came into the princess life. Well more like forced his way in because the princess disliked him on sight. The prince was predictably very handsome and had many fair ladies swooning at the sight of him. But the princess was not fooled. She saw him for what he was: an irritating, smirking, ill-mannered, arrogant FOOL. Ha! Did he really think that if he send her way one of his intense looks she would melt and correspond with a coy smile and a flutter of eyelashes? _

_Please...once the prince sent one of those intense looks her way she promptly corresponded with a glare of her own. And this became their routine for a while, the prince would try to get the princess' attention either by intensely staring at her or by parading a number of ladies-Bianca had another suitable term for them but Kat would murder her on her sleep if she ever said a foul word in front of her daughter- on the back on his horse and the princess would either verbally abuse him or tried to pretend he did not exist, in which she failed miserably. And so time passed and many interesting incidents happened._

_The princess tried to get into a horse-racing club, to which the prince belonged, and despite the mockery of the gentlemen in the club she entered the races and won. And the prince was secretly in awe of her but still mocked her whenever he had the opportunity. But the princess was having none of it and ignored him and was determined not to cross paths with him again. So one day she almost screamed in terror ,something she will always be ashamed to remember cause she was no simpering weak princess, when he saw the Prince trying to get into her chambers through the window. _

_She almost called for the guards but decided to kick his arse herself. So she opened her window and was ready to pounce on him and have him scream for mercy when he noticed her book collection and promptly sauntered over to where they were. He seemed surprised that the Princess had so many books and told her so. She immediately launched into a lecture about how women had the same rights as men to educate themselves and that they also had the same level of intelligence and many other things. Feminist things. _

_Surprisingly, the Prince listened attentively and not once offered a sarcastic remark. He told her he agreed with her and when did he say that women were not equal to men? and just when the Princess opened her mouth to retort with another lecture, her sister came bursting to the room screaming that they were under attack._

_So just like in any fairytale, the Prince pushed the Princess out of harm's way and valiantly draw his sword to protect her only to be knocked out cold by a very heavy book dropped on his head by the Princess. She took his sword, hid his body under her bed and went to join the struggle. Needless to say the Prince was not very amused after the event but his admiration for the Princess grew even more. So when the grand ball of the year took place he was determined to use force if necessary to make her go with him but thankfully he did not even had to ask since that sister of hers practically forced her on him._

_The Prince was nervous given that he had never been enthusiastic about balls or social functions where people expected you to behave in a certain way and well because dancing was another thing he did not enjoy doing. But his nervousness disappeared when he saw her. And no this was not one of those moments where his heart stopped at the sight of her or where he realized how beautiful she looked in her dress. No, his nervousness disappeared because she came down the stairs with her nose buried in a book which she did not put down until her sister threatened to tell her father, the King, something or the other. He wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying but rather how the Princess looked when she was really annoyed._

_So they ended up dancing, even though neither of them wanted to. But she suggested that dancing was beneath her and of course he couldn't let the opportunity to mock her pass so he insinuated that she probably didn't know how to dance. And she immediately tried to prove him wrong just as he suspected and ,if he was going to be very honest with himself, hoped. So they danced and were having a good time when mother nature called and he had to go and relieve himself. Unfortunately, a pair of drunks had the same need and without warning of any kind he suddenly saw himself in the middle of a drunken brawl. _

_The royal guards came and arrested all 3 of them even though the Prince was trying to explain that he had nothing to do with it and he was a Prince for pity's sake! but the guards thrown him in prison anyway. And the Princess was left alone in the ball waiting for the Prince to appear which he never did. And she hated him for a while, because even if she would rather wear dresses for a week than admitting that she liked that smirking idiot she had been rather hurt at his abandonment. _

_So even though eventually the Prince tried again and again to apologize, the Princess who was stubborn as a mule remained unmoved by his attempts. So they fought some more until they finally reconciled and reached some sort of comradeship. So more time passed and the Princess and the Prince continued intruding in each other's lives as often as they could. He no longer rode his horse with a lady on the back of it and on the rare occasion he did, it was the Princess who occupied that place. _

_Of course always trying to look as if she was not enjoying the ride in the least and screaming at the top of her lungs when he tried to show off with his horse. And the inevitable happened: they fell in love. Yes, she was a shrew of a woman, always lecturing him about so many things, she was stubborn and impossible most of the time and acted as if being in love with him was the stupidest thing she had ever done. But she also inspired him and made him, as lame as it sounds, want to be a better person. He loved her. And it was the same with her. Yes, he was or used to be a womanizer, smirking, irritating, always pushing her buttons, mocking her. _

_But he also believed in her wholeheartedly and was proud of her accomplishments. She loved him. So he proposed and she said no. She said that she needed to have her own adventures first before accepting his proposal. He got mad and told her they could go and have adventures together. No, she said. She wanted to experience being on her own and learn how to fend for herself. She wanted to discover what she was capable of. He got madder and ran away and refused to speak to her. She went to say goodbye and even then the Prince could not forgive her for breaking his heart and wanting to leave. _

_She told him that there were plenty of ladies in the kingdom who would gladly marry him and cater to his every need so he was free to return to his philandering ways. He told her that if she left he will be lost to her forever. The Princess told him to cut the dramatic crap and grow a pair. The Prince got mad and slammed the door on her face. So the Princess went away in her self-discovery journey and the Prince stayed behind in the kingdom._

_The Princess traveled to many places, met many people and learned many things. She found out what she always had known: that she was capable of anything. Other princes proposed and she rejected them all. The Prince kept to his promise and never wrote her a letter or tried to contact her. So she decided to go back to the kingdom and kick his ass for being a melodramatic jerk. He was still there (now instead of smirking he was glowering at her) and surprisingly enough there was no floozy attached to his side. So she told him that now they could go on adventures together. _

_But the Prince was proving to be just as stubborn as she was because he told him he was not interested in adventures anymore, not with her anyways. That earned him a kick in the shins and several not so flattering adjectives. He retaliated by giving her his most menacing glare and ignoring her completely. So for a week, he gave her the silent treatment and she pretended she didn't care. He never was good at ignoring her so after a week he went back to mocking her and making her angry. Some more time passed and this time it was the Prince's turn to go on an adventure, only this adventure was meant to be permanent as in not coming back to the kingdom for a really long time. _

_He did not ask her to go with him and she did not try to convince him to take her with him. So the Prince left the Princess determined to forget about her and enjoy his adventure. After all, she was a mean, uncaring, heart-breaker woman and she was not going to ruin this for him by not being there with him. He lasted 3 months before finally going back to the kingdom. He asked the Princess if she was done being a fool because he was. She said yes. So they got married and lived unhappily ever after._

Silence. Maya probably fell asleep during the middle of the story. Success. Bianca was more than ready to get some sleep herself when suddenly the little dwarf (or elf or well troll really because who the hell doesn't fall asleep when they are being told a bedtime story) started the incessant questioning and chatter.

The Princess got married! thats a typical fairytale ending and wasn't this story a feminist fairytale and why unhappily ever after? didn't the Princess ever heard of divorce? and why didn't she refuse to go to the dance if she hated it so much? and what's a floozy? and why they were always hanging around the Prince? So Bianca did the only thing she could think of and threatened, yes she threatened a seven year old, to sing Hannah Montana songs all night long if Maya continued with the questioning and didn't go to sleep. A pause, then the sound of comforters being pulled up and heads settling on pillows. And finally, blessed silence reigned.


End file.
